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Friday, October 28th
It was my understanding there would be no math
music: Third Eye Blind
mood: Awake...tired..awake...tired...
I know you are probably just getting through that LOOOONG blog ( or realize now, there is another blog you haven't yet read from yesterday) and figure the crazy girl won’t be writing for a bit, but, apparently my mind is still going a million miles an hour. I have to write to make space, otherwise I use up brain cells trying to remember to share this or that. Of Course it’s a flawed system as the more “room “ I have the more things I think of to fill it up again.
But to my point. I know you all barely have time to read my musings anyway. I do thank you. At least I feel like I’m not talking to myself. As much. So, I had an anxiety dream the other night that both upset and amused me. I am ABOSLUTELY fascinated my dreams and the sub or not so subconscious. My dreams don’t usually make much sense. They seem to be mostly for entertainment value (I’m bored when I sleep, and always a smart ass) or purely prophetic purposes than really produce any analytical connection to what is going in my life, but the MATH dreams always throw me for a loop.
Now clearly I have had an inordinate about of math going on in my work world as of late (for an arty, wordy girl) The ticket fees, accounting, and data entry of numbers and formulas and so forth has been quite a load. I have to be honest it’s been worse than the SAT’s for me in terms of being forced in a sense to do something that does not fulfill me. (I know, I know, burn her, she’s a bitch, she has a great job and is complaining) Seriously though. Physically I am really burnt out and I feel like I haven’t REALLY slept well for weeks with the stress that I’m not used to. If it weren’t for the show, I’d be staying at work more then the 9-12 hours I already am on any given day. The eyes have stopped twitching (I can’t remember if I wrote about that, WICKED twitching in my left eye that would tickle for a good 2-3 hours) BUT I Digress (you see what I mean by the brain going a million miles an hour) (Like back in college) (Enough with the parentheses already) (stop it I really mean it) sorry….I was saying/writing…
So in my dream, my boss ED passed out to a bunch of people a VERY convoluted math problem. AS in I looked at it and I had to decipher which irregular, bizarre shaped container had the greater volume. But there were two multiple choice answers, and a series of missing bits. It looked as if had to decipher which of the volumes is represented by one of the values. And in order to do that I would have to convert things like one section of the object from grams to ounces and then to pounds, calculate the weight and somehow get the radius and height from that. It was just so involved and layered I couldn’t even begin to think where to start that would make any sense and not take for ever. I immediately freaked and just gave the sheet back to Ed and said I CAN’T do this. It’s just can’t be done by me, someone else can do it ( even though I felt like I could do it, just not the best or fastest way, and I guess more to the point I didn’t WANT to do it). And of course everyone else was working on it (no calculators mind you) and Ed just said, no you can work it out. So I thought, I could just pick A or B and have as good a chance as not of getting the right one. I didn’t even know what was at stake. I didn’t get the sense that my job depended on it, nor would a grade really have mattered. It was just high standards and pride I suppose. Which with me is certainly all it takes to be sure. I wasn’t feeling like I was comparing my success to anyone else, just me. So after just looking at it, I figured I’ll just pick one, I was in a rush I guess to not have to deal with it. I don’t’ remember which one I did. Then I looked on the board and of course the answer (which I sure DIDN’T make sense in “reality”) was a simple diagram with cylindrical section of one of the irregular objects being bisected. Answer was the one I HADN’T Chosen. And I was fine with that. I guess I figured though a little bummed, I hadn’t wasted my time doing something that didn’t matter. Innnnnttteeerrreesstttinnngg.
This is particularly funny in lieu of a VERY vivid dream that I have had every year or so about senior year math class. Up until a couple of months ago, I would have this dream where I all of a sudden realized I may not have turned in math homework. I had done fine on the test and the class I just couldn’t remember if there was homework and thus a homework grade. My dream was always a bit of a panic and I never discovered despite my attempts to find out what exactly if anything I had missed. Well the last time I had the dream, I discovered it. I finally discovered a calendar with the assignments on it. I had only missed one or two. Instant relief, no need to have this dream again this was a HUGE HUGE breakthrough in my psyche. Chapter closed….I wonder if the two have any obvious correlation that I am missing.
On a totally unrelated note, I would like to say it is after midnight and where as I might believe for a second that being at work, though now blogging and not working, I might be alone, I have answered 1 Artsopolis work question from an arts org, 1 pear avenue theatre question from the AD there, and chatted with coworker Ron in the last 20 minutes. There are countless others awake now too. We are creatures of the night. It’s ours and I love it.
Morning….
 
princess on 10.28.05 @ 12:28 AM PST [link]
Thursday, October 27th
Hello and you are….. and I would know you from….
music: kid rock, beastie boys
mood: Better....I think...
Hello and you are….. and I would know you from….
First things first. I survived Texas and Erins Wedding. The ceremony was simple and elegant and quite touching. Top 5 highlights of the trip included:
1) 4 hours of dueling pianos, free drinks, double dog dares and surprises at Erin’s Surprise bachlorette party. No one got naked; no stripping but there was bald head kissing, exchanges of clothes with strangers, and plenty of free rounds of drinks. I was totally shocked at the amount of cash men would throw down for a round of drinks for women who were mostly married or engaged. I was one of only two single women in the party of 8. The girls with the rings got the most attention making me think that men are scum or they just like rejection. Very confusing. But fun. This set up is a venue we MUST get out here. So much potential.
2) Driving home from the bachlorette party at 4 in the morning, I was the designated driver. This was actually very funny. It has been a while since I have been with drunken females who don’t totally irritate me. This was a civil and silly bunch and when I almost ran over a plethora of rabbits that seemingly came out of nowhere, one of our illustrious guests started yelling “Cornejo” over and over again. I stopped the car, turned to the back seat and had to laugh as I heard myself say “ Stephanie, I’ know you’ll think I’m a bitch for saying so, but I’m going to have to ask you for 30 seconds of cornejo free zone while I receive directions from my navigator.” There was silence in the car…one…two.. and on three, perfect timing, a whimpering whisper…cornejo. And Laughter.
3) During the Ceremony Erin paused during her vows to deal with the overwhelming emotion. In true compatibility, Eric smiled at her and she was able to finish. Upon completion of the vows, knowing there was still a good 5 minutes left of the ceremony that would be impossible to get through if Erin remained so emotional, Eric simply said the most perfect thing he could have to lighten the mood. “Can we kiss now”. I think at that moment I think I finally saw after over 9 years, how perfect they are for each other.
4) The DJ was great and though I used my usual strategy of not dancing for most of the first hour to conserve energy and keep the floor occupied later on in the night, plus preserve some semblance of “beauty” before I get my freak on and destroy my hair and makeup, I was compelled to dance for a trio of songs. A Tone Loc Wild thing, Sir Mix a lot and salt and peppa push it medley. Hell yeah. THAT was a flashback. And the great thing is, we knew almost every single word. The adults thought we were retarded. And we were a little bit.
5) The Purple Grackle. What a great bird. They have a great sense of humor, are very friendly and VERY vocal. The natives must have thought I was a “special” child as I would just stare and talk to these guys. I want me some.
The only shock was the stench of smoke everywhere you go. None of this no smoking wussy California rule. VERY bizarre to walk into a restaurant and see people just sitting at the bar smoking cigars. It reeked pretty wicked but the ventilation systems were fair all things considered.
Boys will be boys: On Saturday night after 2 days of dinners, BBQ’s get together and parties, Laurina, Erin and I came home to the house and were exhausted. We poured some wine, lit candles and sat on the sofa ready for a good calm few minutes of relaxation and girl talk. Literally two minutes had passed when the boys Eric and his two friends came in loud and drunk and the girls looked at each other and rolled eyes and sighed. Can't fault them for harshing the mellow, but it was typical and amusing. And that’s a warp for the whole relaxation concept. NEXT.
I came back to a great week of rehearsal, opening night and the launch of our ticketing in Esavers which is working out well (though CRAZY works load) . Lots of work, bugs, phone calls (which I hate) and deadlines (also hate) but eventually it will all pan out. The weekend workload was minimal and the cumulative 10 hours spent in the hot tub at the Lounge from Saturday morning through Sunday afternoon did me a world of good, though I had to recover from that as well. The sun, champagne, karaoke, pizza and various other activities did me well for sure. Saw Andrew Norelli at the Improv, and got to catch up with Must See TV. Apprentice is annoying this season but John Leguizamo is on ER and he ROCKS. What a sexy beast for a little skinny dude.
I’ve been house sitting for the last week and a half while my parents are in Italy for their 43rd anniversary and I’ve found I’m freaking without dogs and people about. I’ve some how made a point of spreading all my stuff out over every room possible. I leave clothes in one room, then shoes in another, leave stuff by the door, had to bring over my own food and watch TV in the computer room. It’s like I’m making a concerted effort to use the whole house, make it feel lived in so I’m not so alone. Wolfgang the cat has been good about sleeping with me each night, but there’s nothing like having people around that you like every now and then. The privacy is indeed nice, and I love the house and garden, just like the idea of people stopping over for a chat or a movie more than having to talk on the phone or over email. Up close and personal approach to life I guess.
On the movie front, insomnia (read too much going on in my head) and an empty house has a way of making you want to watch movies at 1 in the morning when you get home from work or rehearsal. And so, here are the latest reviews of films brought to me by the Netflix people.
I Heart Huckabees: This was a brilliant movie. Hands down 5 out of 5 Rockwells/Rutgers. Clever, silly, smart, deep, well scored, acted and shot. Was Weird like Being John Malcovich, but philosophical like Sartre. All hip and modern, and campy in just the right places. I need to hire or maybe even BE an existential detective.
Frida: Bold role for miss Selma Hayek who has the most gorgeous boobs. From a totally straight woman’s perspective, she just always looks perky and symmetrical, and REAL. I learned a lot, liked the film, thought it was kooky and creative, and Alfred Molina was super dooper. A solid 4 out of 5 Rutgers/ Rockwells
Cannibal the Musical: Trey Parker is genius. Do you know he majored in Music and Japanese. Got kicked out of school (University of Boulder) while making this movie and not attending classes. Guess his parents don’t care about that now. Overall, Team America World Police and South park much better. It’s right on par with Orgazmo. Worth a look from a body of work standpoint but elementary. I was actually most impressed with the scenery, some beautiful mountains and streams in the filming. Not to be confused with the breasts of Selma Hayek. 3 out of 5 Rutgers/Rockwells.
My Left Foot: I’m rediscovering Daniel Day Louis and though I think he certainly did a good job and the story was good, I couldn’t understand a word he was saying in this movie for the most part. I’m usually good with cute men with accents, mumblers and the like, not so much here. Might have liked it more if I didn’t have to rewind so many timed to get it. 3 out of 5 Rutgers/Rockwells
The Magdalene Sisters: 4 girls sent to an “asylum” of sorts for converting “fallen” women. one of the best opening scenes of any film I have seen. AnIrish Wedding scores the scene where almost no dialogue is heard, but the rape of a 16 or 17 year old occurs, and then the rumors spreading across the whole room and resulting in her being sent away to protect any shame should she become pregnant. Great, moving film, cruel, realistic, and such interesting visuals. Great one to talk about, someone watch it and let's chat.
Next on the list, In the name of the Father (more Daniel Day), The Panic Room, and Mona Lisa Smile.
Buy your tickets to Let's Murder Marsha and I'll catch youup with some more intereting happening next time I come up for air. Work hard play hard people, it's the only way to keep your head above water!!!
princess on 10.27.05 @ 05:29 PM PST [link]
Thursday, October 13th
For Erin
music: Braveheart
mood: sleepy
Extra Credit
1+ 1 =2. This is what we are taught in school. We go through life believing this for the most part until, we fall in love. Then we begin to look at this simple formula and start to doubt that he answer is always two. In thinking about Erin today, and what I was going to say about our 20 year friendship, I kept coming back for some reason to High School and particularly to math class. I was always in total awe of Erin for her understanding and actual affection for math. Something I did not entirely share. It was curious to me that someone so emotionally sensitive, compassionate, and even shy at times as Erin is, was seemingly very drawn to the structure and logic of mathematics. The cold hard facts as it were. I suppose the appeal for Erin not being fond of debate and argument like I am lay in Numbers not being able to talk back. Math is usually right or wrong, very black and white. Kind of like Erin and I who disagree on more things than we agree on strangely enough. I found, though rewarding when I got a problem solved, I was far more content to have the freedom to choose words and not fret if I had picked the right ones. The probability was far greater in my view. 1 + 1= 2 is acceptable, 1+1 = maybe, not so much. Not even partial credit I’m afraid in the real world.
So, I hear you say get to the point. Yes, well, it’s a pity for you I’m partial to words because I’m just getting started, but I shall try to use the types of words that Erin will enjoy and appreciate best. I will try to explain my reflections, give advice, and make my wishes about this special day in mathematical terms for her sake. It may help us to be less emotional without deleting sentiment. You may need to check my work. And so, I propose a theory. An equation for love, the foundation for a happy marriage.
Love in every form, be it platonic or romantic is hard. It’s wonderful, and magical, but it does require work. It is math. Less logical some of the time but the similarities are unquestionable. For instance, it requires time to work love out. We don’t always get it right the first time. Now sometimes you can skip steps and get the right answer, but skipping is just that sometimes, skipping and if we go by my experience, we build on all our prior knowledge. We might need to know how to get from here to there when it doesn’t look so familiar. My suggestions is don’t skip, unless you are holding hands. Practice makes perfect, study over a period of time, don’t try cramming the night before, the only thing you will retain is the 36 ounces of Mountain Dew you consumed to try and keep yourself awake. I have to say though I doubt in 9 years any steps have been skipped with Erin and Eric. Even the adolescent fear of having my friend Erin swept away by Eric can not make me judge so harshly as to think that marriage is not unequivocally the right answer here.
Intuition and a natural inclination to really succeed in both math and love is required I think for any real achievement, but a good tutor or teacher can certainly send you in the right direction, in the same way that a bad one, can scar you for life. We’ve had those bad teachers Erin and I, and I’m proud to say we’ve had good ones too. When you don’t have the knowledge or the skill, intuition comes in handy at least I found it to be so when I didn’t have the answers. There are tricks. Like when all else fails, the answer is Pi. It worked in Geometry more often then not, and I wager pi will work just fine in your marriage. Cherry, Apple, Key Lime. Pi is always a safe bet. Just check your glucose afterwards.
There are other correlations between Math and love. Love has tangents; in fact I think we spend most of our adolescents and for some of us, much longer, exploring those tangents, ignoring the sines and cosines along the way. This makes love bumpy, but so is math. Lots of Convex bits in math and convex bits in love, in fact there are convex bit TO love and a few concave ones as well.
Love is also kind of like a graph. You have the EX axis as in all the baggage, insecurities as well as the clarity that your Exs have gifted you through the years, and you have the WHY axis, as in Why didn’t I see that coming, Why aren’t you listening to me, and Why am I not wearing any clothes. These two axis meet at the origin. Like the bellybutton of love, we center ourselves, orientate and seek perspective from this origin. And all along this grid are points. Moments that connect everything and each other. Memories. We spend our life connecting these points. Cherishing them. Graphing our histories together.
Like Math, part of love is analysis. You have to look at it from all angles if you will, with varying degrees of things like patience and determination. These angles can be right. We like those. A lot. Never can go wrong with a right angle and lucky for Erin, Eric is a bit of a square, so he got 4 right angles that we know of. There can be wrong angles too. We don’t like those as much. Complementary angles are always nice and coincidentally always right. We particularly like acute angles, they are after all cute. Occasionally we come across in love an obtuse angle but an apology often softens the edge there. And at the vertex of all these angles by which we examine love and relationships, we come to the point. Yes, get it, the point. Finally.
I was never that great at Math Erin and Eric, but I do know that your lives have intersected and will ever be connected. No matter what your coordinates, no matter what vector your life takes and no matter what bisectors life throws at you, you are one, proving QED (quod erat demonstrandum), that 1 +1 =1. So, now that you 2 are 1 and have WON each other, let us toast. You have vowed to take each other for greater than or less than, and you have added the sum of your hearts to make you whole, and by the communitive property, we raise our glasses to the infinite power of you. May you multiply if you so desire, and add nothing but happiness in this new phase of your lives. There’s neither an quantative equivalent nor, qualitative words sufficient to express the amount of joy you deserve and thus the amount I wish for you. Neither math, nor any language I know can convey my sincere Congratulations to you both! Slainte!
princess on 10.13.05 @ 04:03 AM PST [link]
Tuesday, October 11th
Witching, bargins and all things sheety
music: Boys with guitars and girls with pianos
mood: WEll rested....manic...go go go
As I was making my last attempt at shopping last night for a dress for Erin’s Wedding which I leave for on Thursday I discovered that I will indeed have to be a millionaire movie star one day to afford the kind of really great dresses I need to wear. I don’t much pay attention to my appearance from day to day. Sure I usually match, and there are days I experiment with style (slippers and tiaras) and push the fashion envelope with intent, but brushing my hair when it can be just pulled back and bothering with makeup on most days isn’t me. But a pretty dress? That just gets me. All my femininity eggs are in one fashion basket. I guess if you are going to fuss, better fuss big. If any effort into getting dressed occurs, it better take me an hour ( and then again, I get so excited when I DO get to dress up, it still takes me ten minutes and I sit around waiting to go). A fancy, slinky dress, some sparkles and hosiery and I’m goo.
I walked into Trudy’s at the Pruneyard even though I know their dresses are too expensive (and mostly too small) and tried on some beautiful dresses. Even while pmsing and retaining water like a mofo and with bad lighting, some of those garments are pretty smashing even on me. If you feel hot, you are hot I guess. The budget and limitations of walking out the door with one of those dresses though prevented me from a much coveted prettiness. I headed to Ross just to see if MAYBE there was anything I could get away with. $22.99 got me a dress exactly like the one Laurina will be wearing, only in black. Perfect. It’s not red, but it will do. I also got an ADORABLE red and black dress that looks like something out of the 50’s. It’s a pigtail and fishnets type of dress. $14.99. Booyah.
While I was there I decided to take a look at the pillows and sheets. I have has the same set of sheets and blankets on my bed since freshman year of college. And the pillows are probably older than that. And I haven’t been sleeping well, and I heard not too long ago about dust mites, and I’m certain there is an entire colony in my bed, and that’s gross. And so a dark blue set of flannel sheets and set of soft powder blue sateen sheets sets were purchased complete with pillow cases to cover the new jumbo pillows I bought. I washed them and made the bed and WOW! What a difference. I had a great night of sleep in my new sexy, silky, yummy, comfort nest. Warm but not sweaty and limited tossing and turning. Funny when you sleep WELL, it makes it easier to get up than it does to stay in. You’d think if your bed was so comfy you’d never want to leave. I am looking forward to taking a Friday off in early winter and staying in bed ALL weekend…
I called my Friend and former roommate Anu last night as I was driving home from my bargin shopping experience and as she begins her last month of pregnancy. She said she wanted to have the kid on Friday, since it was good luck to have it on a full moon. I leave on Thursady though and as the kids special non-Indian aunt, I wanted to be there and make sure everything goes smoothly (This has been a long process to conceive, and with gestational diabetes as well as some other complications, its not the most routine pregnancy). Anu is all ready, baby cloths and blankets washed, room already, and she has been telling the baby to come out. I suggested that she ask her to come out, not tell her, that if I were already being told what to do in the womb, I’d stay in there forever. We chatted about promising the baby pizza and chocolate cake if it came out. So I hung up assuring her that I would put my magical powers to work for a Friday birth even though I was NOT pleased about missing it. She called me back about 10 minutes later to tell me I was fired, her water broke and she was on her way. A call this morning indicated she was still in labour, but that since this was all my fault (she called to wish me a happy birthday in march, and without even saying hello I asked her if she was pregnant, and they had JUST found out) they would let me know when she got real close so I could go visit. So, I suppose its out now. I’m a witch (burn her!). Anyway, excited that I will get to see her and the new little girl before I leave. Weddings and babys, all good.
I got a speech and a great story about a space peddler in my head, and no time with work (shouldn’t even be blogging) I need a writing retreat….oh…and to look over my lines… that would be good. In case I don't get a chance to chat with you all before Texas...wish me luck as I battle the air conditioning and get your tickets for Let's Murder Marsha!!!
princess on 10.11.05 @ 11:27 AM PST [link]
Friday, October 7th
Can I go home now?
music: The Clash
mood: Kryptonite
Almost have made it through the week. The day was spent Stage managing the Arts and Business awards. I was VERY official with my walkie talkie, binder and pin strip suit. Except for not eating, and being on my feet (now trashed, now blistered festering stubs formerly known as susannah's feet) in heels all day, it was good to be away from my desk. Especially becuase my left eye has been twitching massivley. Between screen, scripts and bejeweled game on my phone, I imagine I'm wearing my eyes out. Its all good though, I have a therapeutic Fat Tire Beer to heal me. At least I am still alive and mostly, sane....like THAT has ever served me any purpose. Oh and of course I garlic fry and blue cheese burgered myself to healthy as well.
Just 3 more hours of rehearsal ( first time off book run through, or aptly called a stumble through) and then an 11:10 showing of Serenity ( which always make me think of one of two episodes I saw of Seinfeld). Saturday brings a day of work catch up, writing and performing/improving at a fundriaser in Palo Alto for Renegade Theatre Experiement. Should be fun. And then it will be over. And then I can think about launching ticketing, heading to Dallas for Erins Wedding ( Erin moved into her new house this weekend and it is..get this.. on GEROGE BUSH DRIVE...I will never write her a letter=]) and then back to housesit for my parents while they celebrate their 44th? Anniversary in Tuscany...oh and then open my show...so nothing major going on, and I'm certainly not fogetting anything...sigh.
Movie review quick...Netflixages working well for me...
Adaptation: I don't normally like Nicholas Cage, but this was a great movie...until about the last 20 minutes. Then it got sensational, which was the irony, the point, and yet...didn't need to. GREAT, BRILLIANT editing and writing. REminiscent of Memento. Good performances. A BIT long, but a super cinematic experiment. 4 out of 5 rockwells/Rutgers
Unfaithful: I kind of new this had potential of being nothing more than softcore porn. The scenes were actually bold, but artful, and not so much erotic as they were confusing. I still don't quite understand why she wanted to have the affair in the first place. Maybe I missed something. Nice twist in the end, but nothing special. an ambivelent 2 1/2 rockwell/rutgers
Next on the list Frida, and Name of the Father and I Heart Huckabees....but when to watch them...I haven't even been keeping up to date on my Apprentice and beloved Joey and ER....I wish the Tivo Fairy would visit me... and then that chick Evy from that 80's show who could stop time. Winner of the week goes to whoever can name that show...my universe..oh wiat I WIN... Out of this World! YES!!! Whoa I think I DID just go BACK in time. Trippy.
Man Candle Disclaimer. I never said to BUY the man candle. and I never said ALL women would respond to it the same way, in fact if you KNOW me, I would think you would take my reaction to a bloody candle with a huge bucket of salt. The only thing that candle is garanteed to do, it make me frisky...=] So pipe down John. 
Winner of the week...ME.
Thank you and good night.
princess on 10.07.05 @ 06:09 PM PST [link]
Saturday, October 1st
What the hell
music: Coldplay
mood: roar.
Sideways. A movie that was awarded many top film honors, a film most people raved about and of course because of the hype, I had little expectations for. A film I thought should have been called lameways. I may be biased here, but I just don’t find infidelity funny at all for the most part. This was not a comedy. It was pretty depraved, irresponsible, and depressing. True these two main characters were very REAL, showing a very ugly, self serving and desperate side of friendship, but the dishonesty and pointlessness of this movie astounded me. This play was worse then foreplay with no payoff. There was a chuckle here I suppose, the acting wasn’t bad, but besides one brief redeeming dialogue about a bottle of wine being alive and the scenes of wine country, this could have been an extended commercial for alcoholism and depression. If you have trust issues, don’t watch this movie. Men do not come out looking too great here, not so much. Sorry America, I give your stupid movie 1 Keanu, not having the heart to put Rockwell and Rutgers name on this film. Not true suck, but certainly no gem, even with low expectations. Tart, with a bitter edge, lackluster body, and a less than appealing aftertaste. Maybe you had to be drunk to enjoy it?
Back to work...
princess on 10.01.05 @ 02:17 PM PST [link]
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