03/28/2007: "Excuse me?"

Jeep: I'm going to turn my engine/oil light on now.
Me: why?
Jeep: Cause I can.
Me: No seriously. Why?
Jeep: I've ben reading this book, "The seven habits of successful Vehicles"
Me: Right.
Jeep: So I'm asserting myself.
ME: Really?
Jeep: Really.
Me: Great. Joy. Rapture even, cliche as it may be.
Jeep: Your sarcasm and lack of concern is being noted.
Me: Sorry.
Jeep: Too late. DING. Lights on. Whatcha going to do about it.
Me: Well I suppose I will have to drive on it paniced that I am ruining my only and need I remind you VITAL transporation device.
Jeep: Is that really all I am to you?
Me: No. You know it isn't.
Jeep: Do I now? Wouldn't hurt to remind me every now and then.
Me: Here we go again. You are cleaner and more lovely than you have been in years.
Jeep: This is me ignoring you.
Me: Lovely.
Jeep: Still ignoring you.
Me: Two can play it that game. Ignoring light.

(15 miles later of anxous silence)

Me: UNCLE!!! Fine. After an hour of calling all over for a friggin auto mechanic within walking distance of work ( 1.2 miles) you win. The ESL Arco man will have to figure you out. Maybe you can tell him about your mother and SNAP OUT OF IT. Or not.
Jeep: ppppbbbbllllllllllttttt. And phooey on you.

(3 hours and 2.4 miles of walking later)

Arco Man: $65.
Me: say please.
Arco Man: please
Me: anything else you want? first born? Right Arm?
Arco Man: $65 please
Me: I don't suppose you can tell me WHAT was wrong with the car can you?
Arco Man: Emmisions Leak. Gas Cap Not on all the way.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Arco Man: Emmisions Leak. Gas Cap Not on all the way.
Me: So....the tests were showing a leak, but in fact there was no leak, the gas cap just wasn't on all the way.
Arco Man: Yes. Turn Three times all round, no leak, light no go on.
Me: Fantastic.
Arco Man: $65.
Me: please?
Arco Man: please.
Me: Fine.

(Gets in Jeep. Sits. Waits.)

Me: You are shit you know that.
Jeep: GRRRRIIINNNNN. Takes one to know one.
Me: So fired.