07/23/2005: "In Good Hands"

18-6-5

WE ARE ON!

a LONG day; fruitful, enjoiable, thanks to T.

I AM IN GOOD HANDS!

I am now on a plane - I can't possibly ruin anything from here!

Let's see how QANTAS goes tonight...

One Point! One Big Huge Point!
for playing Art of Fighting preflight - wow!

But then, do you wanna hear Ollie moan & moan
before you've only got a quarter tank of fuel left
somewhere over the Pacific? Hmmm...

OH FUCKING TAKE OFF!
I have waited for this for AGES now!

TAKE OFF!
& it's probably not Ollie & the chewing gum has gone old
& I'm in the second worst seat of the entire fucking plane!

And I think to myself -
what would Hank do?

We close our eyes and give it some thought...

This is a long one Iidren; more below, word.doc here OH FUCK ME - WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM!

The PA crackles: "One of the engines something something..."

FUCK ME!

FUCKING WONDERFUL!

Token-Captain-for-the-Day Craig McKenzie promises to keep me informed.

I WANNA GET OUTTA HERE!!!

---

IF I DIE NOW

please tell my Iidren to BE STRONG.

Fuck me; engine buggered, flying over the ocean? NO!!!

Get me another plane - a Good one; one that goes.

FUCK ME - CHANGE NOW!!!


And no-one has bothered to panic yet -
they have been taught to believe their lives are worth nothing;

that is terribly fucking sad...

---

Brad-The-Service-Manager is apologising

HE'S NOT FIXING ANYTHING - HE'S JUST APOLOGISING!

and I am going to die.

He IMPLIES
that the plane is working;

if he's on it & it crashes
Justice will have been served.

Now, I do not wish Death upon Brad -
but I have just heard that the engine doesn't work.

Brad - don't wreck your career because some COWBOY
thinks it's fun to fly over the ocean
WITHOUT A FUCKING ENGINE!!!

I am tired;
please take me to a hotel,
let me call my guys and tell them I'll be late,
put me on A PLANE THAT WORKS tomorrow;
I don't want to die right now...

---

"The niggling little problem with the left-hand outboard engine
has now been fixed" announces Token-Captain-for-the-Day Craig McKenzie.
Then some stuff about QANTAS caring about safety,
some stuff about some suburb

but I'm still fucking scared.

Too late, buddy; suck it up

AND THEN DIE.

---

We're moving - we're moving!

Somehow the joi has been sucked right out of that phrase.

Someone asks us victims to ensure that our seatbelts are securely fastened;
we'll drown faster that way...

---

There is this tiny shitty video screen in the back of the seat -
you cannot ignore this shit, it is inches from your face.
Can I turn it off?
There is this tiny shitty video screen in the back of the seat -
has everyone forgotten that THE FUCKING ENGINE DOESN'T WORK?!

There is this tiny shitty video screen in the back of the seat -
which has magically stopped now -
showing something about DVT - there is foot porn! - I wonder if they know...

I am hungry and I am thirsty.

---

1. Engine doesn't work
2. I need some headphones. And a beer & a brandy.
3. AARRGGHH! Can't work the fucking armrest thing! Trying to get a beer & a brandy - get Carlos instead; She's Not There, a theme song? New movies, though, on that tiny shitty video screen in the back of the seat in front of me.
4. "I'll get back to you," says the guy; about the chicken & the beer & the brandy.
I AM A GRUMPY OLD MAN!!! So feed me, give me drinks, put me to sleep.

---

WHEN I DIE

I DON'T WANT IT TO BE

with whatsisname from Chili Peppers being sensitive at me.
I think - and this is not bad - I think I would like to hear
Under the Milky Way
one last time.

(Notice I'm not a greedy scardy-cat and asking for Alice's Restaurant?)

What would your last song be?

---

I woke up & went for a walk & found a nice lady who gave me a huge glass of brandy.

Then said "Why don't you keep the bottle?"

Now it is morning.

IT IS MORNING AND I AM IN JAPAN!!!

I love a happy ending!


lerevdr on Sat 23-Jul-2005 @ 00:32 e.s.t [permalink]
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